my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
