it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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