Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
