There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm really busy with my period
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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