Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
