Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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