we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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