His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
