actually, I'm a sock model
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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