just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm having to shit out rocks
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