I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
