she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
