Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
