At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
