I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
