He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
