Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
