then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
