im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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