Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
