oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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