How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
