He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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