but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
