she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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