Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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