get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
