Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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