You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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