if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
