so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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