she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
