Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
