he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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