oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
