So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
