its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
