4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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