I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
