Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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