All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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