I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
