I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
