how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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