he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
