a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
