My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
