I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
