you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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