this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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