I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my poor anus
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
