im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
