I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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