Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
