so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
