No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
