I wish I only lived at night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
