when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
