dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
