He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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