life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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