I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
