ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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