shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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