Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
